I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
