Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
