I wish I could teleport
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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