I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
