He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
