Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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