I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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