She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
