real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
