so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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