Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
