did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
