Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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