Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
