I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
