apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
