he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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