Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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