Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize