just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
