the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
