do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize