Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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