So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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