well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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