Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
