I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
