i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
