girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
