He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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