Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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