So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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