I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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