It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
