It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
