We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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