Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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