Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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