i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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