I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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