Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize