My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize