there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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