New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
