Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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