Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
