So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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