your thong is hanging out like whoa
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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