We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
