Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
