its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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