were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
