You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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