I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
