OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize