in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
