a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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