Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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