Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
please come you make the beer taste better
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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