I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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