Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
