He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
