Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
