problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
