i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
