I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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