Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
