THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
