Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Of course I have a pirate flag
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
